Drug Induced Haze.

So it has dawned on me today, that I prefer to be sedated. And that is a bit disturbing to me. It used to be in various forms of bad things shich took me away from the trials of life or at least sanded down the rough parts to make them bearable, but now, I have traded in those bad things for supposed good things, I have decided, thanks to, twelve step program, that I am powerless over my addiction and that it is making my life unmanageable. And in a true effort to let go to a higher power, I have had to take seemingly extreme measures to get my head right again. At my last doctor visit, I voluntarily asked to take part of my medication for my bipolar in the day. It makes me very sleepy, borderline “punch” drunk, and very listless. Today is the first day at work that I have done this. And I am getting in and focusing on my job way better. And so far I am very uninterested in partaking in my addiction while at work. ( avery big fear of mine is getting fired because of my addiction, which could still happen at any moment.) But all those sleepy side effects are definitely there. But some of the side affects are almost as tough to get used to as the addiction, or the bipolar illness. I have very shaky hands, my eyes dance and I can’t keep them stationary on an object for very long, I have gained considerable weight, I have more acne, and my libido has fallen to nil. That is the price you pay to have some measure of serenity from addictions and mental illness. So far, my greatest asset, my mind, doesn’t seem to be suffering to much, accept my typing skills have gone down the tube for sure.